Alms and other stuff; exorcism too (why not?)

 Hi!!!!

So I'm about to go to sleep very soon. There's a huge story there. I have (or had) Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder. It's BRUTAL!! I guess the way to explain this is that just about everyone has a normal clock. You make up in the morning. DSPD is the total inverse. What's normal is to be alert at night, then sleep at about 6 AM. I've struggled with this since I was 17. I don't know what caused it, but it did start with a pedophile molesting me. It would be about 3 AM. Who knows. I'd walk for miles. Wasn't sure why or what was my intention. It was aimless almost. This disorder never left me. What's worse is that it obstructs my productivity. I only like to work in the morning when I can get my special table at the coffee shop (my monastery). I'll get disturbed if I don't have access to the table for long. 

It was October 2nd. For a few days before, I was texting my therapist that my husband made me see. I was telling her that I'm screwed. You can't sleep until 6 AM, then it's 8, then it's 10, then it's 12, then it's 2, then it's 4. It's now October 2nd. My heart is pounding. I'm sweating. Nothing can put me to sleep. I'm starting to feel suicidal but that's a huge sin since I'm here to finish my project. I even put my 19th-Century cross on my bed. I know that my heart is going to explode eventually

I prayed, which I hardly ever do. Why? Because my prayers are for my constant meditation for Virtue. I don't pray for intervention. I accept God's will. But pray I did. This huge, serene feeling came upon me. It felt like my hand got grabbed. It's about 45 minutes long. I see visions formed from my closed eyes. I can't describe how weird this was. It was part flashback and part fantasy world (I don't read fantasy or fiction). I'm in this dark castle almost from Dungeons and Dragons. There's a spiraling hallway. Lights are coming from this long rectangle thing along where the wall should be. It's uniform. I don't know what it would be called. Then that light transports me to a panoramic view of the outside. I see - I'm not joking - slaves. The slaves were demons and the unfortunate souls building the castles. The higher one was in this town of fortresses, the more worthy was one. It was just weird. I'm not saying any of this is an insight into the Kingdom of Heaven. It did feel like that, but I can't say why. This lasted for 45 minutes. I'm asleep. 

I wake up. I'm clonked out still. As I'm on the back patio smoking a cigarette, this strong feeling overcomes me: "Look at your clock." I almost missed it. It's 7:51 PM... "Huh? 751 AD... That's the first year of the Carolingian Empire..." Significant given my translation project and even my millenniarian views!

I got my instructions: dress for the night, stop sleeping in my clothes, do a night routine. I'll be OK. "TRUST IN ME." It's midnight. Friend called in the meantime before that. I get so excitable when that happens. I'm never going to be able to go to sleep!! And it's midnight - scary because that means I'm SUPER OFF balance - the total opposite of you want for DSPS. I'm ordered to shower. I stoically take my instructions. I'm in a night gown. I lay back to sleep. I was promised that I would sleep again.  This too lasted for 45 minutes - an exorcism. I was told to not worry. 

I then woke up at 6:15 AM since...

And did I relapse? Sort of. I don't always follow the instructions given to me. And I'm sometimes wired for Medieval time - wake up in 4 hours, work, go back to sleep, alert is caution to the wind since that's anathema to the Medieval folk. But I didn't get another DSPD attack from which I could not recalibrate! I always relapsed in 13 days. It has now been over 6 weeks! 

My husband is much more secular than me. He thinks it's a miracle too. He saw me helplessly struggle with this for years!

Nothing natural explains this. There is no cure for DSPD. And it wasn't just Christ there. I don't think Padre Pio would like me much so I didn't ask except with reservation for his help, acknowledging however how much his story brought me to tears. I KNOW that Saint Francis of Assisi does a lot for me - something I found out two months ago. I'm very close to Joan of Arc - not that she does anything for me (she may or may not - I'd have to think about it, but what she does for me is the inspiration needed to carry on for the Fatherland - and that's all I need!).

I'm not going to discuss alms. I guess the Exorcism part took up a lot of space!

Vanessa

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