Padre Pio film, spitting blood, death, work

 So I saw the Italian film of Padre Pio last night. Wept about 8 times. Maybe 10. Maybe 6. I'm not very emotional. Maybe hysterical but not emotional. It was quite the film. It reminded me eerily of a lot that I went through to do my translation. It has been 8 years. I lost count a long time ago. 

After I finished the film at 6 AM, I left to do my dental routine. I have not had an inkling of blood in years, even when flossing. Only blood appeared from when I had 3 extractions, the last of such which was without anesthesia. It was what I requested since we had maxed out on pain numbers. I took no antibiotics either. It was a fun experience. In any case, I spat blood last night after watching the movie. It was eerie but I do welcome death so long as I finish my project first since no one else in the world can do it. I did try to locate the blood. It was on the back of my molar. It was on my left side. (When I speak left and right, I mean from my point of view looking out. I get confused for any other point of view.)

So it was spooky tonight to brush again. I didn't tell my husband about the bleeding. He would flip. There was no blood. By the way, it was a LOT of blood last night.  Not just a bit. It was a LOT. I still haven't told him. He's sleeping. Seems like it was a sign from Saint Padre Pio. Even if I did have a dental issue, I can't see why it would happen like that. I haven't had any blood in daily flossing in years

We did talk tonight. He did not take a picture of my stigmata cross from August. So there is no picture, only a text to a friend. Look - memories from the Pio film, especially when it comes to the Devil - I struggled for a few years: the laughing angels, the answers, the weird things, having powerful visuals from what I'm translating, the anxieties, the long nights. It was just... something I had to learn to accept because I was so obsessed with the translation that I risked suicide had I abandoned the project. (Hint: I'm not that removed from that seppuku option still.) How do you just quit something like that? All I did was take notes any time I heard a word on TV. I couldn't read for a long time since I would be translating it while reading it. You just have to let the voices do their thing

The Stigmata came in August. "That's weird." You don't know what it is. It's going on for hours. I'm in mortification. It's itching, so I rub it. I'm also in religious ecstacy.  You got to keep working. No time for that. Then you come home. Then you cook. You do your thing. You're going to sleep. It's still burning but lengthening. It's there the next morning. Same exact thing. No "contour pain," just a line. Same thing. Now into Day 3. Same thing. That's the day I told my husband. See, if I get too emphatic, he might bug me to go to the hospital. If that Stigmata is a sign of my coming death, cool.  I'm fine.  I don't care. It's God's will. But it wasn't that... it was his presence. I'm on the right path for God (apparently now) and Fatherland. And I figured that it might not leave. Then it did... third day

I felt somber a bit. Still do. That Stigmata will never come back. Maybe it will, but why would it? I already felt. Doesn't like there's any utility to be had from its return. Reminds me of the day I wept over Saint Joan of Arc's death. Thinking about it, that was the day... I don't know anymore. I would have to go through my text records. Aug 22 is when I took a picture of the burn of the porno page. Apparently the actual burning took place on Aug 9. So a two week differential. Something happened over those 3 days. I'll never know when the weeping started. It was crazy.  

I just go day to day. I can't look back too long. I guess I'm just surprised by how this all happened. I do now have a diary to precisely log all the dates. I don't want too much information missed. It's a witness. 

UPDATE: It was on 22 August when I wept for the first time. It makes sense as to why the stigmata formed over those 3 days. My husband had to go across town to deal with his Jeep. I didn't answer ANY of his texts. That was also the day when I took a picture of the scar in concrete from the porno page that I burnt on 9 August. I realized the issue when I saw the time stamp of the picture. I burnt the porn close to 4 PM. The picture of the concrete scar was taken a bit after 11:30 AM. YES, that was the visual that I saw!!!! That's when it formed

Here's what's crazier. I tried to get back into ecstacy the next day. Husband kept texting me issues from the dealership. He had to return across town after they lied on Monday that the Jeep was ready. I lost focus. I vividly remember that it was about 12:50. I was at around Cloud 8. Not quite at Cloud 9. Then the worldly distractions pushed me back to Planet Earth. I was really distraught that day. Geez was I so sad

I dealt with it. It probably came after sleep. Upon waking up into my third day of the Stigmata that never went away even as I was sleeping and bathed, I had this epiphany: I'm on this Earth, I know that Heaven is real, and we are in this state right here, right now so that we know what is to come but we can't always be in Heaven on Earth. On 22 August, I was in Heaven ever so briefly. 

That's why the Stigmata will never return (in my opinion). It can't. I'm on Earth. It was there to tell me that my many leaps of faith were rewarded. I know none of what I do and will do shall be in vain. That's all. Going to make a separate post since this update is way too important. Didn't think I'd ever get the answer to this. My husband's text interruptions were unwittingly traumatic. So yes, I remember that awful day, 23 August, very well. He did nothing wrong. I just couldn't do it. That was the 2nd day of my Stigmata