Part III: Responsibility, Cancer, Wrath

 It's 9 December, same day as I waited 12 hours too long to produce the Blessed Mother's Rosary...

My brother's childhood best friend and I are texting. I ask if it's true of what I heard that he has cancer again. Yup - stage 4 stomach. Again...

If I'm getting all of these signs, visions, revelations, then that comes with a lot of responsibility. Can I help him pray away his cancer? Do I have those powers? Am I obliged to try? How? Should I go visit him? He's the only one who really knows the dirty family secrets of my brother covering up pedophilia in the family. When he told me that two years ago, that he tried to rescue me, that my brother stopped him from doing so, it was a HUGE amount of weight lifted from me. I understood then and there that my brother and mother had conspired against me. 

I told him about Saint Padre Pio and the miracles. I sent him a movie about his life in Italy. We both have long wondered why my mother used to spoil my brother so much, succumbing to his every demand, practically nuking me out of existence, and completely subject to his every whim. To give but one example, my brother did multiple acts of sexual abuse to me. I pointed those out to my mother 3 years ago. She lied to me for six months that she would bring forth these accusations to him, but then backtracked, saying that he was too fat and his blood pressure too high to deal with the stress of my drama... 

I told my brother's childhood best friend that I've spun my wheels for years trying to figure this out. No amount of therapy would have ever given me the answer. The Divine Comedy explained everything to me really fast. Both him and my mother suffer from the cardinal sin of Wrath. How is that?

My dad left my mother for a woman with whom he had a liaison and to whom she got attached. It is what it is. I never took it personally. Because I was so young, I have never little memory of any of this. My brother was a few years older. The scapegoat in my family was me. Always. Why?

Because I never blamed my dad for anything. My brother was involved in early porno addiction, animal torture, sexual abuse of me, criminal theft, major violence against me. My mother never did anything. He would break plates, then tell my mom that I did it. She'd slap me. It was always like that. She'd give him the master bedroom unquestioned. She let him choose my birthday presents. She let him have friends. She never let me have any. Anyone with whom I had great rapport, she belittled and attacked them. Anyone about whom I felt uncomfortable or creeped out, she rolled out the red carpet for them.

That's how the sexual abuse started. She would talk to me like I was trash because I didn't work. I'm 12 years old. So I decide to work. I go door to door to find work. Someone hires me. He's really domineering and creepy. He has pornographic content right near my mother when she meets him. I told her that I don't want to see him again. I had a dream where he's chasing me in the woods. He would teleport from one place to the next, always in front of me. She told me that I had to go back. Even as he's kissing me on the head and grabbing me by the hips, she doesn't protest. I'm crying. She calls me a brat and tells me that I have it too easy. (Like I pointed out to my brother's friend, she never would have questioned my brother's judgment. She questioned all of mine. Why??)

Because, to her, any thing bad that ever happened was to be blamed on my dad. Any vice or delinquency on my brother's end, she was powerless to control. It was my dad's job. That was how they rationalized everything. I never thought that way and was ambitious, despite being directionless, since she didn't lift a finger to help facilitate me towards a better relationship with my teachers. Nothing. That's how it was. Since I didn't blame my dad for everything, then I had to be a nut. Nuts can't consent...

And what was the implication?

Well, my brother is still bitter, drinks chronically, beats his girlfriends, and we aren't on speaking terms since he'll never apologize to me. We last talked 6 months ago or so after a few years of no contact. I gave him my point of view of the sexual abuse. He literally sat there and said "None of this happened to me. Why did it happen to you?" My blood ran cold. He's a psychopath... I told my brother's friend late at midnight in text so I wouldn't lose my mind. He forgave me even when the texts woke him up

We're now reaching the last part: Part IV

My dad contacts my mom after 30 years... and I set up my revenge... not in Wrath, but in Love